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What Should I Expect from Gottman Marriage Counseling Sessions?

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In the first few sessions, your therapist will conduct interviews  to learn about you and your spouse and explore potential problems.  Then your therapist will discuss how long and how frequent your sessions will be.  In subsequent sessions, your therapist will focus on providing skills to strengthen your relationship based on 9 principals of the Sound Relationship House.  

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1. Build Love Maps

2. Share Fondness and Admiration

3. Turn Towards Instead of Away

4. The Positive Perspective

5. Manage Conflict

6. Make Life Dreams Come True

7. Create Shared Meaning

8. Trust

9. Commitment    

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1. Build Love Maps

 Building love maps  refers to understanding your spouse’s “psychological world” - knowing their life history, their worries, and what stresses them out, as well as what their joys and hopes are. Without a basic understanding of your partner, it can be hard to build a foundation for a healthy, successful relationship. A lack of understanding can also be a major contributor to most marriage issues.

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  2. Share Fondness And Admiration

To reduce contempt in a marriage, there needs to be affection and respect between both partners. By expressing this, you can mutually create fondness and admiration. Results might not be instantaneous, and it will normally take persistence and effort on both parts, but these feelings can be improved gradually with time.

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  3.Turn Towards Instead Of Away

When placed in overwhelming situations, it can feel natural to want to run away from problems instead of addressing them head-on. Both partners may need to be open and upfront about their feelings and learn how to identify any “bids for connection” from their significant other, and how to respond to them appropriately.

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 4. The Positive Perspective

Similar to how people can have a natural tendency to want to avoid facing their problems, people can also become defensive when given any criticism. However, criticizing your spouse can be quite problematic. Instead, couples  need to take a positive approach to solve the issues that come up in their relationship, rather than placing any blame on an individual.

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5. Manage Conflict

Conflict is normally a part of any healthy relationship, and it can have a positive function. Around 69% of all marriage problems may be perpetual ones, meaning that they will likely exist forever, whereas the other problems may be solvable. Therefore, most of the skills you learn will teach you how to manage the issues that will be there to stay.

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6. Make Life Dreams Come True

This part of The Sound Relationship House usually involves facilitating a healthy and encouraging environment for each other to openly discuss your hopes, values, and future aspirations.

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7. Create Shared Meaning

This section of the House often refers to understanding important visions, narratives, myths, and metaphors about the relationship. This can involve some of the deeper meanings of the relationship and can also include what its legacy will be.

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8. Trust

The first pillar or wall of the House is generally trust. This can be knowing that your partner always has your back and will support you. Trust can involve keeping your spouse’s best interests in mind and not just your own.

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10. Commitment

The second pillar  involves the notion that your relationship with this person will be a lifelong journey, no matter what happens. If things take a turn for the worse, you may both be committed to improving the relationship. It can also include cherishing your partner’s positive qualities, instead of focusing on any possible negative ones that they might have, either real or imagined.

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If these two pillars become broken, it’s usually the result of one or more things going wrong in the first seven principles. By addressing them, you can rebuild trust and commitment by starting with the foundation.

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